Connie and Zack: the conspiracy of two

All I can remember with child's eyes.

2007-04-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

- When I was last in Mexico proper, I was a boy. The whole place is a group of random bits of experience, tortas and mummies, massive churches and poor children juxtaposed. It is possible that I have no frame of reference for what Mexico will be now. The trip is big in my mind, and my remembrances of a summer long gone are so small.

What actually matters

2007-02-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

I thought I had something intelligent to say, but instead I find myself struck with a simple feeling. I am, for lack of a better word, weak. It's not the good humble weakness that has value, but the weakness that comes from trying and failing.

Oh well. I guess I have another chance for God to show me how much He loves me...

Father Rich, my parish priest, is close to retiring. I think I have learned more from him in a year than I ever learned in my foolish spiritual dabblings alone. He said that God loves us not in spite of our brokenness, but precisely because of our brokenness. It's in our brokenness that His love can truly touch us in ways that we can understand.

Think on that, if you like.

Stuff and Things

2006-12-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

Winter is here.

I am failing a test of faith. It is difficult and complicated to explain, but I am disappointed in myself.

I am blessed, will continue to be blessed. Thank God for that. Is my not-too-secret secret prayer going to be answered? It already has. I just have to wait.

Waiting is hard.

Frakkin' addicted!

2006-12-07T00:38:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged much of anything recently, either at my personal site or at Muffin Top. I could make excuses like, "oh, the holidays, so busy, I'm overworked, blah, blah blahbitycakes," but really, the truth is, I haven't felt like doing much of anything other than holing up and mowing through Battlestar Galactica (the new version) DVDs. A season 3 marathon is running on the nineteenth, and we're almost finished with the first season. I've managed to convince Zack that we can indeed catch up by finishing seasons 1 and 2 beforehand. That's like, 2 episodes a night! Though it doesn't seem credible (especially if you remember the original version at all), it's a really good show. It's got everything you want in a tv show - explosions, spaceships, skanky blonds, love triangles, evil crazy geniuses, political intrigue, crochety old men, badass female fighter pilots, robot imposters and the classic will they/won't they couple (they so need to get it on already).

Moving offices remind me...

2006-11-21T07:34:00.000-08:00

There is something intensely satisfying about cutting away the useless stuff in my life. I used to really look forward to the moment in which I would be forced to toss something I'd become attached to. It felt sad to let go, then I would repeat to myself the primary lesson I learned as a boy: "Attachment is weakness. Weakness is bad." Afterwards, I always felt stronger.

I don't get the same thrill from throwing things away anymore. I don't want to ever be so comfortable with materialism that I forget that there's a whole other realm of pursuit, a spiritual path. I will just let go when I need to, hold on when I can, and pray for wisdom to know the difference.

I shouldn't even write this

2006-11-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

Can't sleep at night. I am considering drugging myself (with legal OTC sleep stuff) tonight if this sleeplessness persists.

It's good anxiety, but it's anxiety nonetheless.

Gym-tastic

2006-11-04T15:47:00.000-08:00

I sit today in quiet glee. Thirty-three years old, I have finally joined a gym. I don't want to lose weight, and I am not really looking to get stronger. What I am hoping for, in short, is a chance to dodge a family curse.

I doubt other males in my family payed attention to this moment in a man's health. Cardio exercise helps keep the heart in shape. Men in my family have bad tickers. It's before things start going south that you have to address fitness. I find myself at the very edge now, when I feel good but I haven't done enough to keep myself healthy. I am not feeling heavy moving around. I focus the efforts on getting the heart rate up.

I am choosing to avoid heart disease and other chronic diseases that men in the family get by taking baby steps into cardio town. Could this simple choice make such a huge difference that it can write off genetic dispositions? Not without a lot of other decisions to follow through on some kind of program.

I am happy that I took the little step of elevating my rate to the good zone for about twenty minutes this morning. Tomorrow, the goal will be twenty five minutes.

Silly boy

2006-11-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

My wife is right. She's always right! I really should have come to bed immediately when I got home.

Well, what to do have to say for yourself?

2006-11-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

So tired...

Look, I am tired of hearing about it too.

2006-11-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

I feel such energy and tension today. It isn't going to be fun.

Love, prayers, faith, family can help. I need to learn to trust that God puts these things in my life to help me through difficult periods.

Limitations, the ongoing story

2006-10-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am feeling that very familiar sensation of being overwhelmed and not having a way to get past the tide rising. At least I can identify that this wave is crashing down on me...

It nears...

2006-10-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

"Our arrows will blot out the Sun."

"Then, we shall fight in the shade."

It isn't going to be accurate (the graphic novel wasn't either) but it will be cool.

One way of dealing

2006-10-06T07:52:00.000-07:00

Nothing is profound, or everything is. Your choice. There is no in-between.

Adulthood is about ferreting out what in life is shades of grey and what is black and white. I am still lousy at filtering all this wonder through the dark strainer of my mind. It doesn't have to be this way for you, though.

Style without substance

2006-09-29T01:56:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Zack and I hopped on BART to Embarcadero and caught a screening of Michel Gondry's latest, "The Science of Sleep". Inevitably, this movie has been compared to Gondry's last effort, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which I consider to be a postmodern masterpiece, a meditation on love, memory and relationships. Without Charlie Kaufman penning the script, Gondry's work becomes even more nonlinear and fragmented. Gael Garcia Bernal and Charlotte Gainsbourgh are beguiling as Stephane and Stephanie, neighbors who meet cute and are obviously meant for each other. But charm and good acting is not enough to flesh out a wisp of a script. I enjoyed Gondry's stylistic flourishes - it's refreshing now, to see special effects that are not CGI derived, and it's hard not to be charmed by Gondry's enthusiasm for filmmaking. He brings a certain joie de vivre that I find invigorating on screen, even without Kaufman. I think it's a little unfair to compare the two movies, so I wasn't expecting the same sort of experience as Eternal Sunshine. That being said, I enjoyed the movie. It wasn't brilliant and it didn't sear my emotions, but I appreciated it.

Watch what you pray for

2006-09-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

I apologize in advance if this hits a hot button with Christian evangelicals out there, but I find a VERY disturbing trend in thinking that I want to address.

I don't think it is proper to pray for another soul, ANY soul, to suffer judgment. On the contrary, as Christians we are called to pray that all souls are saved. This may not be explicitly spelled out, but the "love your enemy" doctrine as clearly stated in Matthew, extends to the afterlife as well. Don't you think so?

Wouldn't it be better to have all God's children in heaven, or is it some exclusive club?

Yes, I realize everyone won't be saved. I still pray that they will.

Some Teachers

2006-09-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

I remember swimming in the ocean, being caught in a rip current. The way things went, it took me a while to realize I was in the current, heading into deep water. I ended up being rescued. I am sure that, if I had immediately started to swim parallel to the shore to get out of the current, I would have made it fine to shore.

The ocean is a cruel teacher, but you can't fail with her. She won't let you fail.

SOme teachers are the same way.

I don't like memes...

2006-09-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

but I will say that there are several interesting lists of books that many have posted on their blogs. Like my wife's, for instance. Or Christine's. Or Jen's. I've got nothing that good to contribute, except that everyone should read Aztec by Gary Jennings. Much of it is over-dramatized, and the sex is played up a LOT (the Mexica were actually rather prudish in many aspects of thier culture. Still, there was a world, a whole world, that was so alien that it could have been on another planet, and my people inhabited it. We were graceful, beautiful, and pitiless. That world is gone, and we are all impoverished for its loss.

These Days

2006-09-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

"... These days I sit on corner stores and count the time in quarter turns to ten.

Please don't confront me with my failures. I have not forgotten them."

Jackson Browne, as performed by Nico

These Days

Why don't you just give me the money

2006-09-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

If I had enough money to buy property, pay the bills I have, and occasionally buy gifts for friends, I would feel comfortable.

Right now, I either have too much money, or not enough. I have enough money to spend it on wasteful stuff and not enough to make the HUGE jump out of debt and into a home.

Why don't you just give me the money I need, and only the money I need? I'll clean up bodily fluids, move heavy stuff, expose myself to toxic substances, whatever. Seriously.

Reptile Pet

2006-09-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

I apologize in advance to all you who have reptile pets and feel you have a bond with the animal.

I am the reptile pet. You keep me in your home, imagining we have a rapport. I keep thinking "Are you small enough to eat?"

Speaking of the Spartans...

2006-09-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

I believe this flub to be a misunderstanding. That being said, it's time to understand that the differences between East and West are old, old, old. They are older than the Byzantine Empire, older than the Crusades. The differences pre-date Christianity and Islam.

What's to be done about the differences? I suggest religious leaders model a spirit of cooperation and healing. The Holy Father could take a lead on this. Maybe that would make me, a Catholic, a little more comfortable with him at the helm.

With everyone jazzed for Fall

2006-09-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

I gotta put my two cents in:

Fall is really depressing for me. The sun is leaving. Winter is coming.

I am a child of the sun. The cold time is not for me or my ilk.

Quick musing

2006-09-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

I would dislike it intensely, but I would be a better person as a Spartan than I am as a crass consumer.

My favorite paraphrase about them:

"Athens makes poetry; Sparta makes men."

A quick and dirty list of faults

2006-09-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

- I am slow to forgive

-I allow my pride to cloud my judgement

- I am prone to depression and regret

- I feel socially inadequate when I feel down

- I have an annoying voice

- I keep stress in unhealthy places

- I have a chip on my shoulder about money

- I can know something is really bad but go through it as though I were watching someone else do it; I lose my sense of agency

- I can't shut up

- I imagine that my view of things is right and others' view, insofar as they don't agree with mine, must be wrong

- I would bend over backwards to help someone who doesn't like me and treats me badly, but my close friends I sometimes leave in the lurch

- I enjoy self-destructive behavior

- I can't normalize my relations with my father, despite trying to do so

- My austeries are an obvious form of OCD; I ritualize commonplace behavior to allow me to cope with the world

This is just off the top of my head.

You know you are near rock bottom when...

2006-09-07T16:21:00.000-07:00

You are actively looking forward to Snakes on a M'f'n Plane at the Parkway as your treat after the hell that you call a Thursday at the office.

Sometimes you don't need a reason...

2006-08-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

to publically declare that your wife is SWEET!

Things fall apart

2006-08-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

Even this feeling will pass, I know. For now though, I am focused on the way things used to be, and how they are now.

I can't adequately explain how big a hill climbing up from depression to a semblance of normalcy really is. Many of you readers know exactly what I'm talking about. Some don't, and I am sorry this won't make sense to you.

What makes sense to everyone who pays attention is that things fall apart. Life is a coming closer to death, each day inexorably leading to the terminus.

Progress is met with resistance. Growth is met with disintegration Eventually, everything of the world goes away.

I've tried to place my goals outside this cyclical destruction. Pray I keep my eyes on the prize.

Poison is no less poisonous for being produced in your own body

2006-08-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'll spare you the reality of my messed up stomach. Suffice to say, I am in pain.

Cortisol, that terrible hormone, is swimming in my bloodstream at breakneck speed and in high concentration. It is a poison, and I know it's messing me up.

I just think this is bad

2006-08-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

Remember, things can ALWAYS be worse.

:)

The death of long games

2006-08-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

Let's face facts. My life, like the lives of most Americans, is over-booked. The result is that I have no time for the vey long games I used to play as a kid/student/bachelor with a crappy, no-responsibility set of meaningless jobs.

The time crunch means that I love the gaming I do have time for. I appreciate a well-crafted Euro game that is deep and strategic but is done in 90 minutes. I also love conventions more now than ever. I have more money, so I live better while at the con. At the con, I can also get any game on I want to with no shortage of willing gamers.

Don't mourn the death of long games. There are phoenixes rising from the ashes even as we speak.

A Catholic take on John Ch: 6

2006-08-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

Warning: This short bit contains Catholic doctrine broken down for dummies. It also refers to the Gospel of John, Chapter 6. Reader discretion is advised.

John chapter six is often cited by Catholics in reference to the Eucharist. When I read CH:6 verses 32 on, I see Jesus clearly avoiding the only conclusion that Protestants that don't believe in transubstantiation can logically come to. Jesus is not being metaphorical. He means that we, lterally, are to eat his body and drink his blood.

Jesus turns a lot of followers off with this teaching (verse 60 on). If He was making a metaphor or meaning something other than what He literally says, He has plenty of time to clarify.

The Eucharist is something I think that Protestants really miss out on.

OK. That's it.

Welcome to the Underworld

2006-08-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

This is how things go:

You start skipping class. Perhaps, you steal cigarettes from your Mom's stash. Eventually, you become bold and start pilfering little trinkets, candy, etc. from local merchants. It's a thrill, and you get away with it. You involve yourself in shady goings-on in the neighborhood. You watch the adults hustle. Soon they begin to notice your curiousity with predatory eyes.

In the world of the criminal underground, juveniles are a disposable asset. They don't do real time if they are pinched and are easy to replace if they meet a bad end.

By the time you've reached eighteen, is there any getting out of the life?

Welcome to the Underworld. No resume needed.

I Warned You

2006-08-09T11:17:00.000-07:00

Robots really are taking over the world. Soon, museum docents will be obsolete. Whose next?

When I grow up...

2006-08-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

Claire and I were talking yesterday about my troubles at my place of employment. She asked me "So, if you don't want to do what you are doing now, what would you rather do?" Does "cold-coolin' it" count?

Seriously, this is a toughie from the therapist. Not so tough, really, to come up with what I'd do if I didn't need money. Ah, but there's the rub.

Could I survive being a game writer/designer? Do they have benefits?

Points to ponder, instead of diving right to work...

Life imitates art, or cheesy TV shows.

2006-07-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

Zack and I have been enjoying Entourage this summer. It's not what I would call great television that's on par with say, Buffy, Freaks and Geeks or Arrested Development (I like underdogs, okay?). It's a nice, throwaway, superficial show that's just pure guilty pleasure. I didn't care for the "Eric has a threesome" plotline (C'mon, that's Vince's deal), but who am I kidding? We all really watch the show for Jeremy Piven. Hug it out, bitch!

Anyways, we were discussing the glut of comic book movies (and comic book-like movies) that have popped up since the first X-Men. "What's next, Aquaman?" said Zack, half seriously. I dismissed it.

"Everyone knows Aquaman sucks. That's why they used it on Entourage. It's supposed to be a joke. They know no one will ever make it."
"Yeah, you're probably right," agreed Zack.

Well, oddly enough, Zack might be right. And ironically, Ari's real-life counterpart is a big proponent of this deal. What's next? Will Adrien Grenier get cast as the lead? Or will it be Marky Mark?

My Own Inconvenient Truth

2006-07-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

When I clear my head, I have a lot of facts I have to deal with:

- I need to get out of my comfort zone and make some spiritual progress.

- I haven't been getting up in the morning. I dread the coming work day. When I don't start my day out right, I don't function properly.

- Feeling lousy = being unproductive. I can't continue to be unproductive.

- If I don't watch it, I'll gain the weight I lost back. I am not motivated to walk.

The Veil

2006-07-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

Each day, I become more aware of how thinly the veil of normal functioning behavior is. How very easy it is for me to imagine taking off the veil and throwing up my hands.

What's underneath? Pain. Why can't people see it? I don't want them to.

These are musings. They don't consitute real depression, but I do skirt the edge now.

Pop Reggae Spiritual

2006-07-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

In the midst of all that is going on in my life and the world, I find a little solace in music.

My uncle introduced me to Bob Marley as a boy. The spiritual side of Reggae is often lost in the shuffle of modern dance-hall sexuality and crudeness. Mr. Marley and this man have more to say:

"Fires burning
Flames are dancing
Don't burn the house down Lord
Heavenly fire only resides on an altar made from the ground

Fire descends on high in the shape of a lion
Burn the sacrifice of pride and ride on to Mount Zion"

"Fire Of Heaven / Altar Of Earth" - Matisyahu, Youth

Nothing about this matters

2006-07-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

I keeep telling myself that nothing about my current crappy situatuion actually matters. In my head are the comforting words of Jesus (Matthew CH 6) but at times I don't feel comforted.

Nothing about this matters.

Perhaps if I write it a couple of times more, I can start to believe it.

I am upset

2006-07-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

That is all.

Lucky Seven

2006-07-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

Another short bit:

Con and I went to Vegas for our seventh year wedding anniversary. It was so nice.

I love my wife. She makes me very happy just having her near me. May we be blessed with seventy more anniversaries (the odds are against that).

Gambling is kind of like ignoring the obvious. Sometimes, you have to play the longshot.

It doesn't hurt to ask

2006-07-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

Does anyone want to give me millions of dollars? I promise I will be more responsible than most of the ultra-rich. Shouldn't be that hard.

Any takers?

I Can't Deal

2006-06-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

Rant number whatever:

I am too linked with my professional life. Too much of my own sense of self-worth is tied up to my job.

What have I done in my professional life:

- Made a huge email blunder that cost my boss some face

- Got upset enough at a supervisor's mistake to take him to task, then refused to back down

- Quit a job before having anything lined up

- Was told by a new boss (I am quoting his first words to me here): "You're an angry young man."

All in all, I've got work issues.

My mom has worked in the same place for over thirty years. She instilled in me an understanding of the world in which my own value is tied up to what I do for a living. I love and admire her hard work and principles. I somehow don't match up to her great example.

Chili In the Blood

2006-06-26T07:30:00.000-07:00

You may say there's no such thing as a genetic disposition to like spicy foods, but I would disagree. It seems to me that I was born to eat chili.

I've considered "chili-fying" a lot of products to better suit my taste.

Latest idea: Chili Mouthwash.

What I love about film

2006-06-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

Simply put, books are better than film. Literature (however you define that term) requires audience participation to make the story come alive. The reader contributes the mental landscape necessary to understand the work in a far more holistic way than movies.

So, why all the fuss about movies?

I feel that there are two things movies do really well. It's maybe not an exhaustive list, but I think you, dear reader, will be free to add on stuff that makes the medium worthwhile for you.

1) Movies give you cheap thrill value. Do I need to explain how an explosion or car chase on film grabs the audience?

2) Films externalize internal states It is amazing to see the private internal thoughts of a character or group visually displayed. Film is great at showing the audience what goes on inside.

Strong Like Stalin!

2006-06-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

Borat the movie!

We saw X3 a couple of weekends ago. Despite the warnings, the bad reviews and the fanboy (and girl) hatred, we forged ahead. We weren't in denial - we were still curious. They were right. It sucked. We hated it. It was as though Brett Ratner glanced at a bunch of X-Men character profiles, then threw all of the X-Men comic books in a pile and took a huge dump on them and lit them on fire. "X-Men: Taking a Crap" is more like it.

For anyone familiar at all with the comic books and the characters, this was a huge travesty. The Phoenix saga is like, the pinnacle of Marvel storylines (at least to me). Jean Grey's death, her resurrection, her rise to ultimate power and her demise showed where a commercial comic book could go. In the films, I can (grudgingly) accept some of the retconning. I can accept that Jean joins the Brotherhood, that Kitty's not into Colossus, that Rogue and Iceman are dating, and that Nightcrawler's not even mentioned. I can even handle Psylocke joining the Brotherhood (she doesn't even get to show off her psychic knife!). But the way Cyclops, Professor X, Wolverine and Jean Grey's characters were handled was abominable. Talk about a 180! Yeah, I know Cyclops kind of sucks. He's definitely not my favorite character. But he's an integral character to the Phoenix saga, not a redshirt. And Professor X! C'mon, it's not the X-Men without the Professor. Yeah, he takes his leaves of absence, here and there, running off for a Shi'ar booty call with Lilandra and all that, but get real. And Wolverine. What have they done to Wolverine? My Wolverine would never have wept like a little bitch. The only woman he *might* have wept for would have been Mariko Yashida. Finally, there's Jeanie. Can we believe that she wakes up out of her hibernation to suddenly become the badass Dark Phoenix? Where's the conflict? The turmoil? The confusion? She certainly doesn't find it in Wolverine's arms.

Anyways, the first two were actually pretty good. It's a shame that this last one left such a bad taste in my mouth. Hopefully, the third Spiderman movie will be better. And although I was never into Superman, Superman Returns looks promising.

A VERY small step in the right direction

2006-06-05T15:11:00.000-07:00

This article gives me a little hope that our administration might actually do what I called upon it to do some time ago. Specifically, it's time to use our pressure to end human slavery.

An open prayer

2006-06-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

Lord,

This is not an easy time for the family. Still, we see the good You bring in to our lives and we are thankful. Be with us during the trials and tribulations of the coming few weeks.

Your Children,

Connie and Zack

Pray for me

2006-05-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

Today I ask that you pray for me. I can't explain why here, but it is big, and I need your help.

Thanks and blessings,

Zack

The Last Stand?

2006-05-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

Sample dinner conversation:

Me: If Rogue touches Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat), what would happen?

Zack: Well, that would depend. If Kitty was already intangible, Rogue's definitely not touching her, so nothing. If it's before Kitty phased and there's skin to skin contact, then it would depend on how long. Kitty could probably phase before Rogue started draining her powers, because it takes a little time to do that.

Me (continuing the conversation in my head): But what if Rogue's touch was like a Vulcan mind... then again, Kitty's a ninja. But Rogue has superstrength. And she's invulnerable, and she can fly! What-ever! I hate this Bobby (Iceman)/Rogue/Kitty love triangle thing. Everyone knows Rogue belongs with Gambit and Kitty belongs with Colossus (Piotr Rasputin)...

Brick red blood

2006-05-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

I bleed brick red blood. It trickles down from the crease in my upper lip into my mouth, a result of careless shaving. It is copper, iron, familiar, the taste of defeat.

The taste of blood is the taste of adolescent violence in the hot streets east of Los Angeles. It is the sensation that I am little and the world can destroy me without warning. Fear follows the taste in thin long vapors, a cigarette-smoke wispy experience. All phantoms of childhood disappear. This is the blessing of being human, that we forget.

The blood remembers.

Haiku

2006-05-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

Wonder at the World

Wide-Eyed little boy daydreams

Will I remember?

What the blogging really does

2006-04-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

I am still without cup number two (my normal amount) of coffee, so I am not quite lucid as I type. The strokes and percussive sound of the keys are mainly the focus of my mind, so I am not thinking about what I am writing too very much.

What I am partially aware of is simple, and maybe not true even. It's an idea that I have had before and dismissed.

I wonder if blogging actually increases or reduces the frequency of my creative writing. Certainly, in crafting a post, I do write. Perhaps that is enough. Perhaps there should be more.

I am thinking that my writing here is almost childish. Generally, if I don't know the spelling of a word right off, I don't use it in posts. And then there's the typos. And then there's the structure.

In looking at my posts, then comparing my own outside creative writing projects, I realize that I have a style of sorts.

Here, in a nutshell, is an example of my style. You see, I like the comma. Too much really (by the way, I also like the colon, parentheses, etc.).

I love short paragraphs.

Even though you are not supposed to string together adjectives, I string them together like I was making a necklace for a really fat man: "my red, shiny, thin, cheaply made book cover," instead of "my book cover."

What I have decided is simply to use my odd style in a new way. I have something in mind. If you are in my creative writing circle, you'll get to see my baby steps in using a structure that suits me more.

Where is my coffee buddy?

You know what day it is...

2006-04-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

When the moon hits your eye...

2006-04-13T11:25:00.000-07:00

After over ten months of hype, Zack and I finally tried Pizzaiolo, the yupscale Italian joint started by some Chez Panisse alum in Oakland’s Temescal district. We’d attempted dinner there once before, about six months ago, and failed miserably. Since the restaurant takes no reservations, we tried to get there early, at 5:00 - half an hour before it opened. There were no signs of life, so we sat down at a nearby café for a glass of wine. At 5:30, we stood up to check out the scene, and the line was wrapped around the block. Dutifully, we stood in line, hoping that we might be able to squeeze in. I felt like we were waiting for some exclusive lounge or nightclub, except it was still daylight out, and everyone in line was middle aged and/or with small children. By the time we got to the front, the restaurant had filled up, and the wait was going to be approximately an hour and a half. We wound up eating at Dona Tomas instead (very good, BTW).

Last night, I met Zack at the restaurant after a yoga class. We were originally planning to check out the Epicurious Garden, but since everything closed after 9:00, we opted for Pizzaiolo – it’s open until 10. I was sure to call the restaurant ahead of time to find out if there would be any wait when we arrived. I was told I shouldn’t have a problem. The restaurant was still pretty busy when I got there, but there were a few open tables, and some groups getting ready to leave. The host offered to seat me immediately, but since Zack had yet to appear, I decided to wait and see if a booth opened up. When Zack arrived, he was starving, so we decided to sit. We were given the prime spot (no booth) in the front instead. I was pleased that neither the host nor the waitstaff batted an eye at my attire – athletic pants, hoodie and the worst fashion faux pas of all, Uggs (hey, it’s been raining, I just came from yoga and I’d originally planned to pick up take out).

We decided on a margherita pizza, a side of sautéed spinach and garlic, and a wild nettle, shrimp and farro dish. I picked out a glass of corbieres, and our waiter, upon Zack’s request, suggested a California chardonnay. It was too oaky for his taste, but I liked it (I usually find California chardonnays too buttery). It worked out okay, though. Our waiter mistakenly thought that they were out of the corbieres, and brought an excellent cotes du rhone instead. A few minutes later, he found the corbieres, and wound up comping the cotes du rhone.

The spinach and the farro arrived together. Brilliant green and tender, yet with a little bit of a bite, studded with mellow cloves of garlic and bathed in a sheen of olive oil, Zack marveled over how such a simple spinach dish could be so sublime (take that, Daniel Patterson!). Although the portion of the farro dish was on the small side, there was a generous amount of sweet white shrimp. The wild nettles, which I’d never tried before, were quite tasty. The texture was sort of like broccoli rabe, but tasted a little more like swiss kale. There was a bit of heat to it too, but I’m not sure if it was the nettles or the sprinkles of red pepper that contributed the heat. I thought that they used just a little too much oil, but all in all, it was pretty tasty.

The pizza arrived shortly after we started on the spinach and farro. It was a prime specimen of what a wood fired thin crust pizza ought to be. The crust was blistered and charred in a couple of spots, crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside. The sauce was fresh, tangy and sweet with a bit of zip, and there wasn’t an overabundance of cheese. As much as I love it, I think there is a tendency at most pizza places to go overboard with cheese in order to cover up an inadequate sauce. Also, when there’s too much cheese, the pie winds up getting really greasy. That being said, the cheese itself was excellent – I think it was ricotta. A smattering of chopped fresh herbs lended a bit of freshness, as well. Nitpicking notes – the crust was very thin, but not cracker thin, just the way I like it nowadays. However, if there were any more toppings, it might have made the crust soggy. Since the pizza was served on a plate, building steam between pie and plate, I think the crust lost some of its original crispness in the inner part of the pie as we worked towards the last few slices. I think that if it was kept on a peel, some of the moisture could have been absorbed.

Dessert was tempting, but we were feeling pretty full, so we skipped to the check. All in all, it was an excellent meal, and highly recommended by the both of us. Despite its pedigree, hype and hipster factor, the service is surprisingly unpretentious. I wouldn’t say it was cheap, and there’s a pretty high markup on wines, but the ingredients are very high quality and the prices aren’t bad for what you get.

New 100 word Sentence

2006-04-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

I surveyed the earth so dearly bought, just a small grassy valley before the armies lined up here an hour ago, observing the ruthlessly efficient process of stacking bodies and collecting all articles of value, the bloody afterbirth of battle, and I pondered the cold calculus of struggle, how any side ever claims victory when so many perish and so many more suffer in war, how any cause could justify such slaughter, my heart growing heavy as the busy toil of cleaning up continued undisturbed by my troubled soldier thoughts, continuing long after I left the horrid place for camp.

Time to get Netflix

2006-04-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

Zack and I have been renting quite a few movies lately. With ticket prices as high as they've are nowadays, we're pretty allergic to the theaters. Now that most of the holiday movies are being released on DVD, we've been catching up. Although we still have yet to see Munich and Syriana, I feel that we can give a more accurate Oscars analysis (about a month late).

Walk the Line

I've always loved Reese, way back in the days when she was in Man in the Moon and most especially, Freeway, so I'm thrilled that she won. She deserved it. Joaquin Phoenix was also excellent, and it was amazing how much he sounded like Cash. It was certainly Best picture nomination material, but as John Stewart put it, it was "Ray with white people."

Capote

Great film,andin my opinion, the best this year. Phillip Seymour Hoffman deserved his Oscar, though Heath Ledger really gave him a run for his money. It was fascinating to watch how Capote's ambition to complete In Cold Blood winds up destroying the lives of so many people around him, and ultimately, himself. Self-absorbed, manipulative and charming, he gambles with the lives of those he professes to care about, but by the time he realizes what his actions (or lack thereof) cost, it's too late. "I will never get over this," he says at the end. And he never does - we are told in the epilogue that he never finished another novel, and that he died of complications related to alcoholism. Though we don't get to see the 20 years of his life after his work on In Cold Blood was completed, we can certainly understand why and how.

Brokeback Mountain

I really liked this. Was it better than Crash? Yes, I thought so. I'm not sure that it was the best picture, though I thought that the cinematography was gorgeous, the story was tragically compelling, and Heath Ledger really surprised me. I love Jake Gyllenhall's work, but Ledger's performance stands out. Philip Seymour Hoffman certainly deserved his Oscar, but Ledger's performance is so subtle and nuanced, I almost think the Oscar should have gone to him. A few side notes - the notorious "tent scene" happened way more quickly than I expected. I mean, here we have this slowly paced pastoral film in the mountains, then all of a sudden... oh, um, okay. There you go. I guess that's how it was written in the short story. Also, while I wasn't surprised to see Michelle Williams' boobs, I was rather surprised to see Anne "Princess Ella Enchanted Diaries" Hathaway's. Guess she won't be making any Disney movies anytime soon.

Good Night and Good Luck

I liked this also. It might even have been the best of what I've seen. David Straitharn's performance is really strong, though Ledger and Hoffman gave the standout performances of the year. The way Clooney edited actual news clips and interviews with what he shot, plus basing the scripts on the transcripts made for a pretty fascinating look at the McCarthy area.

One, okay, two, final words. I saw Crash back in September, and I liked it, but I didn't think it was all that. With hindsight, I can say that it wasn't nearly as heartwrenching as The Constant Gardener, it didn't have the gravity of Capote or the grace of Brokeback Mountain. I though Matt Dillon was very good, but there were no standout performaces, like Reese or Joaquin or any of the other nominees. People like to talk about the editing techniques and the multiple storylines, but we've seen that before... in Short Cuts and Magnolia. And frankly, I thought the editing techniques in Good Night and Good Luck, were much more clever. Although it was billed as an art house/indie movie, I found it to be very mainstream. I thought to myself, give this director a few more years, and he'll come out with something truly spectacular. Who knows? Maybe he will.

City Bumpkin

2006-04-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

For all my dearly bought education, I am somehow less cultured than those around me who might be considered my peers.

I walk among you, I look like you (thanks to those aforementioned Spaniards and Irishmen and Englishmen) but I am different. Since I was not raised in the country, I call my experience that of a "city bumpkin." It is sort of a chip on my shoulder, sort of a mark of shame, to be as undereducated about a lot of important things as I am.

As I write this, I realize that it is just a fact about me that I lack the cultural background many have. In a sense, it is neither good nor bad. It is also completely up to me how I proceed from here. What is past is prelude.*

*This is a quote, and I must admit I don't know where from. If I were cultured, perhaps I could cite it properly! :)

Fast Fiction part whatever

2006-04-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

When the larger scope of a relationship fades from memory, trivial details remain. The kind of soap my wife used will always bring back the day we had to say goodbye. Her watch still sits on the counter; it is still twenty minutes fast. I hold fast to tiny things she touched, wishing her items were animated with her energy.

A person, a sense of a person in any case, amounts only to the minutae in the end.

Dreams in daylight

2006-04-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

Here are a few fantasy visions I have now:

-To win enough money in the Lotto to not have to work anymore.

-To see places in the world I know only from friends' stories or books

-To Meet George R. R. Martin

-To have a beer (LENT IS ALMOST OVER)

bless you, friends who've heard my voice

2006-04-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend, Con and I watched a little video of a slumber party.

I've noted this before, but the footage brought this fact into sharp focus:

I have an annoying voice. It's LOUD and grating.

Thanks for being my friend anyway.

What I can do

2006-04-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

In order to try and stave off the anxiety that is bothering me, I have memorized a verse from Proverbs:

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."

Proverbs 12:25

Respect is not earned

2006-03-29T10:45:00.000-08:00

Just an observation, and feel free to disagree:

Respect is not earned, contrary to popular belief. It is taken or given.

Either you are the kind of person who commands respect, or you are not. The difference is actualy nothing more than mentally saying: "I will have your respect."

Does it work? YES! In all cases? Enough to be "statistically significant."

Scenario B: Some folks give respect to others as a default. I try and do this, because it is how I like to be treated. There is no zero-sum game with respect, so why not?

Anyway, I am happy. Bless you, dear reader.

Keeping a Tiger on a leash

2006-03-28T08:17:00.000-08:00

I am not upset. I sit here at my desk, I certainly am nervous. My motivation is low, my productivity is low. The flood of life is hard to contain. I am inclined to go with the flow.

It's all blessings. God is giving me so much, so fast.

Keeping a tiger on a leash is a bad idea. Eventually, the animal will get free.

I must learn patience. Right now, the leash chafes a bit. Freedom is a certainty. With time, all things are possible.

Uncomfortable observation

2006-03-26T03:31:00.000-08:00

Mexico is a child of rape. Inexorably, the old times Gary Jennings wrote about in his masterpiece Aztec are gone. The cultures of Spain and Meso-America, the very blood of the conquered and the conquerors, are united in a guilty bond. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see the face of the rapists. Sometimes I imagine I see the visage of the raped.

I always wonder:

1) Would there be a place in this connected globe for the One World, the beauty and terrible violence of the old Mexica? If Cortez had left the peoples of Mexico alone, would there be the Ball Game, mass sacrifice, Flower Wars, etc. going on even now?

2) Is it right to extinguish a way of life, even a brutal one, with brutality? Can the forced mixing of Spanish and Native blood be justified by arguing that the Native culture was simply too savage to be allowed to survive?

3) Can the old wound ever be healed?

As I go to church, a Roman Catholic as a result of all of this history, I pray that the result for me is positive. The Spanish gave one gift to Mexico that I believe in my heart is beautiful and that gift is the faith of the Church. Mary is the special guardian of the Mexican people. I love Mary, and I thank God that she looks with favor on her people. Perhaps the modern Mexicans would have been her people anyway, without genocide. The world will never know.

100 Word Sentence V

2006-03-25T18:26:00.000-08:00

The Bay laps against the windy shore, choppy waves against pale, uneven sand and gray rock, and I peer out across the water on an afternoon walk, the strong gale pushing against my eyelids, robbing my exposed skin of heat and biting down further, below the surface and touching the soft, buried tissue of my secret anatomy, still hungry and not satisfied with my shivering silence, a ravenous animal hitting the bone and pushing further still into the marrow, all while I am staring at the magnificent skyline of San Francisco, a willing prey to the icy cold disembodied predator.

A word on Animal Cruelty from King Solomon

2006-03-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.

Proverbs 12:10

Mark Your Calendars

2006-03-22T14:33:00.000-08:00

APRIL 17th is VEST DAY WORLDWIDE!

Compassion and Vigilence

2006-03-21T19:55:00.000-08:00

When one is trying to be a better person, I found that it is as pointless to tear yourself up as is it to lie to yourself, saying you're doing fine. Just as I attempt to be compassionate to others, I must remind myself that I am worthy of my own compassion. Without compassion, there is no room for growth.

Vigilence balances out compassion, keeps me from forgetting my goals. The task of juggling virtues, once a real challenge, becomes easier each day. May it continue that way.

100 Word Sentence IV

2006-03-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

Stones on a riverbed, in virtue of the fact that water continually passes over them, become progressively worn and smooth, incrementally growing smaller and more sparkling, the natural processes of wear creating a wholly organic and pure art form worthy of the highest praise, and I, now a bit more honest with the world than in my youth, can appreciate the tiny miracle of each pebble without irony to mask the wonder, a fact so mundane that it would not be worth the trouble of articulating except that it has been so strangely difficult to talk about beauty for me.

Fast Fiction V (is that right)

2006-03-15T08:08:00.000-08:00

A mated pair of falcons has taken up residence in the park. As I leave for work, they busy themselves with repairing their nest, gathering food for the little ones.

I wonder, do they look forward to our moments together? Am I just a big mammal walking below their home, or have they grown to expect our dawn meetings? As they call to each other, as they fly by, all grace and purpose, I do not answer my own question. I realize that the question dissolves itself.

The birds and I share something, even if it is different for them than me. The new sun shines on both of our endeavors each day.

Summing up what I'm up to.

2006-03-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

Whoah!

It's probably pretty obvious that things are afoot with me. Although I am more productive than I have been in years as far as fiction goes, I am not agonizing over writing. In spite of my giving up beer, I am joyful and I have been tipsy a few times (fun!). I am doing more with church, praying more, but I seem to have exactly enough time to do all the things I need to do.

In short, I am in the zone. And it feels as good as it sounds!

I need to work on patience. I need to be more generous. I need to be kind to those I don't like.

I am still a work in progress, but the big Foreman in the sky is overseeing the project now. We are on schedule!

100 Word Sentence III

2006-03-13T07:21:00.000-08:00

I get truly bizarre notions sometimes, ideas that do not, in and of themselves, make any degree of sense, bits of whole stories plucked seemingly from nowhere, and I wonder (even though I only wonder in internal dialogue) if they could really originate with me, in my own consciousness where I locate my identity, or could these ideas perhaps come from a bigger reservoir of thought, the noise of a thousand minds, a Higher Power, my ancestors speaking to me via our blood conduit, or some prefigured me from the distant future, communicating in sound bytes through some telepathic machine.

Yummy sushi...

2006-03-12T23:26:00.000-08:00

After an exceptionally bad day at work last week, Zack and I went to Hideki-san's for dinner. We love having sushi there. Hideki-san's is not the real name of the restaurant. I'm not going to reveal it here - it's a secret. If we decide that we really like you, we may take you there or even tell you its real name. Not that this is a high traffic blog or anything, but the place is *tiny*. Like, eight people at the bar, and two tables of four, literally. The entire readership of this blog would pack the place. You can't even see it from the street. There's no visible sign, merely a small wooden plaque visible only to pedestrians that indicates its presence - and you have to climb an extremely steep level of stairs to a second floor where it located. Hideki does not serve parties larger than four, he does not take reservations and he does not do take out. This may seem like Hideki is curmudgeonly and crotchety. Perhaps he is outside of his restaurant, but not behind his sushi bar. Hideki takes genuine pleasure in serving his customer. He confided to us last week that for him, being a sushi chef was like jazz... you need all this training, but you have to be adaptable and figure out what your audience likes, and what will please. He's taught us quite a bit about sushi... anago, ebi and kohada were the "original" sushi, and that tamago is traditionally ordered at the end of a meal (it's sweet). He told us that in his opinion, tamago can make or break a sushi chef. A chef that can make a good tamago can also cook, he explained, since a sushi chef usually limited to his board, the rice cooker and a toaster. Most tamagos nowadays are premade, but even though he doesn't serve many cooked things on his menu (no noodles or tempura and teriyaki bentos here), he makes his own, which is excellent. He always serves the freshest fish, and usually has some unique things that other bars don't serve. Last week, it was pen shell scallops. Watching him work with his blade is really entrancing - his expertise is that calming. He doesn't usually serve the wacked-out crazy rolls that have become so popular nowadays, but he does have the best spicy tuna roll ever (he chops jalapeno into his) and his california rolls has real crab legs, not the fake stuff and not the salad. He also told us (with a wink) that when he drinks sake, he doesn't eat sushi, only sashimi. "I'm getting my rice in the cup," he grinned mischieviously. We catch up on family, we talk about music (he loves Queen and Ella Fitzgerald), and he dispenses a little sage advice. He enjoys a slow pace so that he's able to devote himself totally to a few select customers. I've been there when it's busy, and he gets really stressed out. Once, a boy sitting next to me ate an entire combo plate of sushi, and followed it up with an entire combo plate of sashimi. These were the kinds of plates usually shared by four people. "I'm going to run out of fish," he said worriedly. Luckily, the boy was satiated and it was towards the end of the night anyway. He also keeps a little treats hidden for a select few that are not listed on the menu. For my birthday, he served me a special salad of halibut cured in kelp with shredded lemon peel, and once, he gave us some tuna caught by a customer that he smoked himself. Though toro is not usually listed on his board, I always make a point of asking for it, because I know he often keeps a personal stash for himself. I also know that he ferments his own plum and cherry wines, but he's not supposed to serve them. They won't be ready for a few months, but when they are, we'll be there.

Fast Fiction IV

2006-03-11T11:02:00.000-08:00

"Did you see that?" When she asked the question, honestly, I had no idea how to answer.

Yes, something moved. I did not move it, and neither did she. There was no earthquake, wind, or other natural event that makes those books falling from the table make sense. No big truck rattled by, the table's legs did not give way.

"I saw something." My wife and I exchanged looks of awe.

Mysterious things sometimes happen even in suburbia.

My heart opens. My head is silent

2006-03-10T07:12:00.000-08:00

What I write next I feel compelled to put down on paper. If you find it annoying, I am truly sorry. Perhaps it was not meant for you.

"Heart" thinking, as opposed to "Head" thinking, is a concept I have struggled with until recently. I was a nerdy kid and even my faith was "Head" faith. This is probably why my early religious education didn't stick.

Now, my heart opens, and my head is silent (at least, when I pray sincerely, it is like this). Instead of little moments of experience (the best I could ever achieve trying to get to spirituality on my own) I live mostly in the feeling of being close to God. It's nice. It's simple.

100 Word sentence II

2006-03-09T08:13:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it was the time of year, that point in spring where the rain has not subsided yet and it’s still cold once the sun goes down, or maybe it had to do with all the recent sad events going on around us, but last night’s sushi dinner, consisting of mainly what the chef recommended, was a very special time for my wife and I, a pause from the activity and a shared experience, the little treat that keeps the rest of the difficulty from seeming too overwhelming, a beautiful way to renew ourselves and prepare for the next day.

100 Word Sentence (pretty tough!)

2006-03-08T13:18:00.000-08:00

Wandering home, feeling not precisely bad, but certainly not good either, all strung out on my own down tempo mood, oblivious to all the change of the surroundings that movements bring, cold, hungry, and scared that I was losing something vital inside me, I took the moment as a sign that life had finally and clearly come full circle and what I now was experiencing was, in fact, a shadow of the demon of my young adulthood, the depression or the ghost thereof (it is still so hard to distinguish the one from the other) that remains forever if unaddressed.

100 Word Exercise One (thanks Mark)

2006-03-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

Pomona was once a lush country town. Now, in one lifetime, the blight of Los Angeles extends to the place of my birth and beyond.

When I think of the heat-mirage concrete and smog, I remember the sensation of fear.

What wasn’t I afraid of then? The rough staccato of gunshots punctuated summer nights. All around us were the hungry poor and the predators who feed on them.

My brother and I went to Catholic school. It felt like an oasis in the desert of the urban reality. My mother worked and went to school. We saw her only rarely.

Fast Fiction III

2006-03-07T09:49:00.000-08:00

Clara watched with a mix of envy and pride as her little brother took his first steps. A moment in which she understood the fragility of childhood, Clara would often think back on the wobbly footing of Sam, his tentative bid to enter the world.

It took years to document all of her feelings about observing that piece of family history. By the time Clara got it all to make sense, she was a mother herself.

New feet, new steps, but the same grasping for identity.

Fast Fiction II

2006-03-06T14:14:00.000-08:00

This weekend, I dreamt of drinking orange juice from a thermal cup. I ambled through a private wood with my drink, taking in the twilight quiet treescape. Without warning, I came upon a small denizen of the wood.

The bat and I shared a moment of confusion. I offered the creature a taste of my orange juice. It drank deep, wanting more. Perhaps it was a fruit bat, or perhaps it merely took what I offered as good. The bat drank as much as I gave.

I woke up puzzled.

A new experience and a blessing

2006-03-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I came in to work with ashes on my forehead and proceeded to get asked all sorts of questions. Here's a sample:

- There are the innocent ones: "What is that on your forehead?" These folks don't have Catholic friends.

-There are the more rude versions: "You got s--t on your forehead" Yeah, I know.

- And then the general Anti-Catholic tone: "You're Catholic?" As if being Catholic were a disease you'd not want to admit to in public.

When I went to Mass, I did not expect the reactions I'd get. I did not expect the feel of being excluded, marked, somehow different. Growing up Mexican in Los Angeles, going to twelve years of Catholic school, I guess I was sheltered from the disdain folks harbor for my faith.

I never set out to be a messenger for my beliefs. It's not that I am holier because I go to church. I am a profound sinner, and I just recently began to repair my relationship with the Catholic Church. It seems strange to me that I would be the voice for Catholicism in the office.

Still, I am so glad for the experience. I got to explain my faith to the curious and endure the taunts of the less-than-nice. It is a blessing to be ridiculed for your beliefs:

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew Ch. 5:11-12

Very Fast Fiction

2006-03-01T11:45:00.000-08:00

When the killing was over, Don Alberto looked me over for long seconds. "You know why I spared you, don't you?" I did, but I couldn't speak. It's hard to talk when you are covered in blood that is not your own and there is a killer in front of you. You want to run, but your legs won't cooperate. You want to avoid the red eyes staring at you, but Don Alberto wants to keep your attention. If the father of all vampires wants to keep your attention, you pay attention.

Someone had to explain how fifty people came to this gymnasium, how they began to lay out plans for a vampire hunt, and how the vampire decided not to wait on them to come to him.

Someone has to take the rap. Someone with a criminal record and ties to the occult would be the ideal fall guy. Someone like me.

Before I lose my resolve

2006-02-27T10:58:00.000-08:00

I write this next post to obligate myself to follow through on something. Forgive me if it comes out as holier-than-thou. It is, most certainly, not intended to be so.

Lent starts Wednesday. This Lent, I have decided to give up beer. While in any other time of year the removal of beer from my routine would be a big deal, I have to point out that St. Patrick's day falls in the Lenten season. That means no Guiness this year. To say the least, this change marks a major disruption in my routine.

It alarmed me when I realized that I like beer so much I found it hard to even conceive of giving it up. The fact that Lent is only forty days long made my recultance all the more disturbing.

In my life, I find one thing to be true. It relates to my earlier post about addiction:

It is dangerous to need a material thing so much that one could not be parted from that thing without pain.

May Lent remind me of all the blessings I have and make me appreciate the abundance I generally take for granted. As I remember the small sacrifice I am making, let the much greater sacrifices others have made for me come to mind, overshadowing my own.

Of course, as I do this to remember sacrifice, I also ask that Jesus' ultimate gift of salvation come to the front of all my thoughts. No greater sacrifice can be made that His.

My Family Understands

2006-02-27T07:47:00.000-08:00

I have begun to read the much discussed A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. While I know that the events recounted in the book did not happen in the way he describes, I find myself moved by the narrative. It hits a raw little spot in my mind.

Addiction colors the history of my family. It goes back on both sides and it continues today. My family understands what watching people you care about poison themselves, slowly, to death, feels like. Some of us (like my father) know what recovery can feel like too.

As I enter the world of the novel, I decide to accept it at face value. That the author lied about his experiences cannot take away from the hard lessons of the work.

A lie can be true to the audience.

Happy V-Day!

2006-02-14T15:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, I’ll admit it. I *like* Valentines Day. The strange thing is, we don’t really celebrate it. I mean, Zack did surprise me with a really sweet card that I loved, and some flowers, but we don’t make a big thing of it (we’re having pho tonight), and I'm okay with that. I only really want some extra snuggling. If we decide to do something special, it’s usually a few days later. I realize that it’s really commercial and prices are exponentially inflated, but everyone seems to dress up a little more and generally be in a better mood. Okay, well, maybe it has more to do with the chocolate cake and chocolate covered strawberries and cookies that everyone in my office is sharing. Plus, Agent Provocateur just opened around the corner! Warning: this is not a workplace friendly site, nor for those with delicate sensibilities! They just don’t bother with photoshopping any naughty bits.

Little Truisms

2006-02-13T07:56:00.000-08:00

- However you end up measuring your life, it means something.

- Wherever life is, there is more life.

- If you feel something, others feel it too.

Stress makes me unhappy

2006-02-02T08:50:00.000-08:00

Can I just say that I am stressed and it's not even 9? I find a little irony in my reaction to stress. It seems that often the more stressed I am about a topic, the more I stall.

Like now. Why am I writing this.

Back to work :(

People made Races

2006-02-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

As a person of mixed heritage, in a multi-ethnic marriage, I can't help but feel that the idea of Race is kind of silly. We as humans are a very small species, meaning that genetic variations in our populations are dramatically less pronounced than in other species.

There is an anecdote related to our closeness that I am pretty sure is true but can't fact-check. Here goes:

At the generation of Julius Caesar, all of humanity is related by blood. So, in recorded history, we are all related. Wow!

A certain set of phenotypes makes us label one group "White," another "Black." Cultural baggage comes hand-in-hand with judgment on who belongs to what group. That has to change.

Going back to biology, these phenotypical differences are the result of population bottlenecks, family and clan groups being separated in geography for generations. To put it simply, people made Race. That's all. I get scared when people ascribe Divine guidance in the creation of Race. It's clearly not true (at least from my perspective) and it begs the question: Which group is better?

It's great that we're not all the same. It's nice that the geographic distinctions that separated sections of humanity for so long are evaporating in the increasing connectedness of the modern world. Let's make the most of what we've got. Let's share cultural differences, marvel at the similarities. Understanding comes from sharing.

Race is going to disappear. I am on the vanguard of that change. Hopefully, when people un-make Race, they'll be room for cultural difference.

I can say what Saint Paul couldn't

2006-01-30T09:25:00.000-08:00

Saint Paul was in a real bind about the time he was writing his letters to early Christian churchs around the Greco-Roman world. He couldn't expect to get many converts to Christianity if he condemned the entire economy of the Roman Empire. I am thinking specifically about his letter to the Colossians, in which he asked masters of slaves to treat their slaves kindly. Many early Christian patrons had slaves.

Like other important early Church figures, Saint Paul picked his battles. He took a firm stand on some issues and let others go with a few words or none at all. I don't fault him for that. I kind of wish he had decided that slavery would have been a big issue for him, but I am sure it was difficult enough to get everything started without completely reworking the basis of labor.

Slavery is abhorrent to God. This is so obvious that it amazes me how rampant slavery still is so prevalent in the world (heck, this country even). The practice of slavery in the 21st century world includes, but is not limited to:

-Chattel Slavery, as practiced in our country prior to the Civil War. It still occurs in many parts of the world.

-Indentured Servitude

-Roman-style P.O.W. slavery

-All forms of sexual slavery, from child pornography to "bar-girl" arrangments

-Marriage for money, usually brokered by parents

-Abuse of undocumented aliens, including forced factory/field labor

-Wage-slavery, including child labor

If our government cared half as much for putting an end to the rampant world slave trade as we do for the "war on drugs" the problem would be a lot better.

Mr. President, pick up the phone and call world leaders. Apply the same economic pressure you apply for bad ends (example: the war in Iraq) to the cause of emancipation for all.

Quick Pseudo-Religious note

2006-01-27T08:32:00.000-08:00

I have been a little reluctant to write about this next topic. Part of the reluctance is an understandible and totally appropriate desire to not make myself seem holier than I am. Part of my reluctance is due to a fear of criticism related to my new-renewed sense of Faith. I want people to think of me as they always have.

It's the "worrying about what people think" part of my reluctance that I want to address here. I'm not ashamed of my recent calling to return to the Church.

I believe in Jesus. I believe in one God. I believe that I need organized services to properly understand God.

It makes me happy to go to Church. It may seem sudden, strange, etc. I finally realized that all my previous mystical pursuits amounted to empty forms, intellectualized attempts to make God be what I wanted Her/Him to be. I got nowhere pursuing that path.

I hope that you read this and feel glad for me. If not, I'll pray for you anyway.

I get to say something nice

2006-01-25T08:02:00.000-08:00

My wife's birthday has come. It's a chance to gush a bit about Connie and a reminder of how special she is to me.

When I think of her, I think of:

- A slightly foggy evening, dinner at the Carnelian room

- A windy morning in 1999, Berkeley hills

- A drive in the heart of wine country

- Her sleepy responses to my morning greeting

- Her big beautiful smile

- Good company

- Happy times to come

My wife is smarter than you know. She is quick to kindness and smiles easily. She is touched by everyday beauty. I've never seen her be cruel for cruelty's sake.

In short, Connie's birthday is special. The light she brings into the world makes us all a little brighter.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Welcome 2006

2006-01-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

Welcome, New Year!

Welcome the possibilities. Welcome the new people entering your life, and welcome those old friends greeting the new year with you.

See with eyes unclouded. Take it all in.

The new year is an excuse for improvement. The holiday is a beginning.

Whatever 2005 was to you is over. 2006 waits at your door. Invite it in!

Bob Loblaw's law blog!

2005-12-21T22:39:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or is Arrested Development getting funnier and funnier -

"We're hemorraging money..." "Gob was finding himself overwhelmed by all the change..."

"That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut!"

"While Tobias was trying to get his mouth around Bob Loblaw..."

"How can I get rid of Gob?" "That ship sailed 35 years ago."

"Stick it in what??? Stick it in what???"

"... the OC..." "Don't call it that!"

"Is it unscripted, like Curb?"

"It was kind of funny with Yellow Submarine...but who could afford it?"

"I won't do it! That's not the way Mother is raising me!"

"Gengi 2... I think she wanted to go back for a chemical peel."

Sigh. Why this show is getting cancelled is beyond me.

Happy Birthday baby!

2005-12-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

I know we still have one more hour, but let's get this party started. Happy birthday, baby. Best wishes for many more birthdays together.

What?

2005-12-10T13:14:00.000-08:00

Big ideas are afoot. I've decided to calm down a moment and reset. The spontaneous ephiphany, the clear second of thought has hit me.

I give up my negativity. I welcome positive change.

Why so stressed before?

I saw a bumper sticker once : "WAKE UP MUGGLES!". I often feel like shouting that.

Limitations Part Whatever

2005-12-09T11:05:00.000-08:00

I am not as heathly emotionally as I would like. Each day, I have a choice:

A) Pin down my emotions and function "normally" or

B) Allow my emotions to run wild.

Either way, the negativity finds ways to express itself.

It's the time of the year. It's the waning sunlight. It's a little hint of illness. It's being too poor to adequately provide for the people I love and would like to give nice gifts to. It's work. It's not getting good sleep.

Wait, no it's not. It's just my own limitations.

Fastball special!

2005-12-07T23:08:00.000-08:00

Hold your breath... it's here.

First thoughts:

Beast looks, well although I think Kelsey Grammer is well cast as Beast, Nightcrawler's makeup looked better. And where is Nightcrawler? Off to the circus or the priesthood, I suppose. Based on the ending of the last movie, I was under the impression that the storyline was going to be the Phoenix saga (how the hell will they work in the whole Madeleine Pryor thing in 2 hours?), but I think that dramatic tension would've been heightened if they did not reveal Jean Grey. And is Shadowcat going to be Rogue's rival for Iceman's affections? 'Cause you know, the only one for Shadowcat is Colossus. But then again, we all know that Rogue really belongs with Gambit, and he's not even in the movie! Plus, I peeked at imdb, and saw that a young version the White Queen had been cast, which doesn't really make much sense to me, and speaking of bluebloods, Angel's neck is looking a little reddish. Vinnie Jones will totally rock Juggernaut, and Olivia Williams will make an excellent Moira MacTaggert.

Okay, sorry. If you didn't understand what I'm referring to at all, it's okay. I'm just a little bit of a fangirl here.

Trite Winter Observations

2005-12-02T08:19:00.000-08:00

It's nice today, but it has been cold and rainy. The wife is fighting off something. I've managed to resist the early cold/flu. Let's hope my fortune continues.

As Autumn bleeds into Winter and the world is colored grey and purple and black, I realize that I have experienced a little of the old Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). The good thing is that I seem to have my moods more under control.

I am a child of the Sun. There is no denying my affinity for the heat and warmth. California provides this ideal environment most of the time to almost all of her children. Winter is an affront to the perfect climate, but only from my limited perspective.

All things wax and wane. Winter is as necessary as Spring.

I should not fear my moods. They are as wild as I let them be.

Salut!

2005-11-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

I arrived in Paris today at approximately 9:00 a.m. After a brief nap, shower and light lunch, I headed out to explore. Notre Dame is only a few blocks away, so I wandered around for an hour before arriving there. Currently, the weather is clear, cool and crisp - approximately 1 C

Roman Bridge connecting the Rive Droite (Right Bank) over the Seine to the Ile Saint Louis.

My French comprehension is much better than I thought it would be, though my pronunciation leaves a little more to be desired. A few glasses of wine really help. The Parisians I've encountered have been pleasant and polite. Most begin speaking English as soon as they figure out (pretty quickly) that my French is not up to par.

For more pictures, please view my flickr site.